Fia Manga Chapter 5

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28 comments

      • Page 1

        “I inherited THIS title” would sound better but it’s not incorrect to have the

        “Even if I’m second to the right to succeed” would be better “even if I’m second in line to succeed” would be best

        Wouldn’t instead of doesn’t, as he’s talking about the potential future so needs future tense

        Page 2

        “Well I was next to him” would sound/flow better then “we’ll I was next to the commander” since it’s already known who he’s talking about

        “you are my only king” would sound better unless I’m misunderstanding what’s being said

        Page 4

        The “is” is in the wrong place Should be “is she really”

        Page 5

        The “first” is unneeded unless you were to say “in the first place” (kinda a phrase not sure exactly what to describe it as) instead

        Should be “you’ll” or “you will” and then “ruin” instead of “ruined” unless he’s talking about something that already happened then there needs to be something added at the end of the sentence like “because of stuff like this”

        “Don’t” instead of do would be better in the last speech bubble

        Page 6

        The “just” is unneeded here given the context

        It’s not wrong but you could have, “she’s” instead of “she is” to shorten it

        “Her marriage” instead of “the marriage” is more accurate given “with you”

        I would add a “instead” after “your brother”

        Page 7

        A “it” is needed between “pointed” and “out”

        A “and” is needed between “party” and”unconsciously” and then it should be “adjusts” not “adjust”

        “There being” should be inserted between “of” and “anything”

        Page 9

        “I was wondering” would be better then “I wondered” here

        Page 12

        You should add “she” before “understand” and change “understand” to “understands”

        A “can” should be inserted between “and” and “quantify”

        Page 19

        “a” instead of “the” would be better

        Since the monster has been slain, they are now talking in past tense so it should be “that 20 of us struggled with” so remove the “are” and change “struggling” to “struggled”

        Page 20

        You should add a “down” after cut since he killed it, without the “down” it sounds like he just hurt it

        You should either remove the “such” OR the “like that” it doesn’t make sense to have both

        Page 23

        It’s not wrong but you could change “do not” to “don’t” to shorten it

        Should be “The Ruud family are inherently strong” instead of “The Ruud family are originally strong”

        You should change “teaching” to “teachings” and then add “state” between “teachings” and “that”

        Page 26

        The “but” is unneeded

        Having there’s” instead of “There is” would be better

        Page 28

        There’s a typo should be “Roger” rather the “Roget”

        Page 30

        Add a “in” between “that” and “they”

        The “into” is unneeded

        Page 31

        I’m a little unclear on what’s being said here, If “allergy” is caused by the medicine then it’s a side effect and it should be “like allergies” or “such as allergies” instead of “and allergies” if the medicine has effects similar to allergies then it should be “similar to allergies” OR “reminiscent of allergies”

        Page 33

        You should insert a “rather” between “body” and “than”

        Should be “cutting” not not “cut”

        You should insert a “her” between “carry” and “all”

        Page 38

        The speech bubble with only “and” in it is unneeded but not incorrect (what I mean is the “and” is unneeded so a bubble with only it is also unneeded)

        Should be “were” instead of “are”

        Liked by 1 person

        • I can’t tell if I put the above as a reply accidentally, or if it’s a normal post , if I did I’m sorry

          Like

        • Page 1:
          “I inherited THIS title” is wrong.
          Cyril become Captain only for a few years. But he inherited the Duke title from his father 10 years ago and became a Duke when he about 10 years old.
          He just didn’t care about that title. He came to the capital to become a knight, then a leader.

          Like

        • Page 1 oh that was unclear in that case, “a title” would make more sense as he says what the title is later in the sentence, “the title” would only really make sense if he’s referring to being captain or after he’s said what the title is.

          Page 7

          Yeah that’s right “I’ve never heard of there being anything, you don’t understand in behaviour analysis” in retrospect well not being wrong this does sound a little awkward “of there being something” might be better

          Page 38 (you accidentally put 33 I think? Unless you mean a different page?)

          I don’t see how “hey” would make any sense it would then be saying “so why hey we called here” which is wrong on multiple levels, if you you think it should be “hey why were we brought here” that also wouldn’t make sense unless she was asking that to someone but these are her thought so “hey” doesn’t make sense here

          Like

        • I thought you mean “And” is unneeded so I changed it to “hey”

          So (“were” replaced “are”) means for the second bubble?
          I thought you mean to replace the “And”

          Like

        • Ah I see, yes I did mean that the “and” is unneeded

          but “were” instead of “are” is referring to the second bubble, sorry I wasn’t clear.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. It should be called a “fial” whenever she messes up, lol.

    I’m enjoying this alot more than I thought I would.

    Thanks for the chapter!

    Like

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